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hammerandsawMy Flickr account is currently experiencing technical difficulties. I am still taking pictures. I just can't edit or share them. Rather than wait until I can host photos again, though, I decided to make a few more text-based posts. Writing things down helps me organize my day.
Yesterday was alright. I've been feeling a bit over-isolated, and talked to my husband about it. He suggested I set up a regular time to meet with different friends, so that every day I have a reason to get lout of the house. Intrinsic motivation is not a strong skill of mine, but chronic people-pleasing is. I can use it for good instead of evil. So I am meeting with one friend every Monday morning for a walk, and another friend every other Friday for photography exploration journeys. I just found out she is also a photographer, and that is exciting.
I want to get more days with other friends, but I am facing a challenge. I have a couple of friends who have social anxiety. They tend to see these invitations as a form of compulsory politeness gesture. They think the socially correct response is to decline the offer. I don't know how to explain to them that, actually, I feel incredibly lonely, and badly want companionship. It sounds like a guilt trip, rather than a reassurance that the invite is genuine and does in fact benefit me. I just want them to understand that my offers are not charity. That I genuinely actually want to be around them on purpose.
I am bad at expressing such things. I don't know the balance.
I also went to the gym today, and did some weight lifting. It is incredible to me when I think back on where I started, vs where I am now. I got strong! It's good to have the capacity I remember, again. I used to throw human beings into the air and catch them. I bet I could do that again. I just need to find a human being who will let me throw them.
Creative writing takes up a large part of my free time. That is fun. It's incredible. I love to explore the confusing facets of life through the safe filter of a character I made up. I share the stories with some fellow writers. People try to guess which character is secretly me, and they all guess wrong, because the real answer is that they're all me. Characters have to follow a narrative, which means they have to be cohesive from scene to scene. Human beings have no such restriction. We can be hypocritical and contradictory multiple times a day for any reason at all. Skipped lunch? hmm, now you're an asshole. Had a really good shower? No one has ever been as sexy as you. Slept poorly? You're convinced everyone hates you. Spent a couple hours outdoors in good weather? You are at peace and capable of anything you set your mind to.
People are weird as fuck. It is an ongoing struggle to write one singular character that seems genuine to the human experience. They just seem unrealistic when pinned down on paper. Terry Pratchett does the best job at this out of all authors I know. Studying his work helps me get a feel for how to introduce asshole traits while keeping characters sympathetic.
Yesterday was alright. I've been feeling a bit over-isolated, and talked to my husband about it. He suggested I set up a regular time to meet with different friends, so that every day I have a reason to get lout of the house. Intrinsic motivation is not a strong skill of mine, but chronic people-pleasing is. I can use it for good instead of evil. So I am meeting with one friend every Monday morning for a walk, and another friend every other Friday for photography exploration journeys. I just found out she is also a photographer, and that is exciting.
I want to get more days with other friends, but I am facing a challenge. I have a couple of friends who have social anxiety. They tend to see these invitations as a form of compulsory politeness gesture. They think the socially correct response is to decline the offer. I don't know how to explain to them that, actually, I feel incredibly lonely, and badly want companionship. It sounds like a guilt trip, rather than a reassurance that the invite is genuine and does in fact benefit me. I just want them to understand that my offers are not charity. That I genuinely actually want to be around them on purpose.
I am bad at expressing such things. I don't know the balance.
I also went to the gym today, and did some weight lifting. It is incredible to me when I think back on where I started, vs where I am now. I got strong! It's good to have the capacity I remember, again. I used to throw human beings into the air and catch them. I bet I could do that again. I just need to find a human being who will let me throw them.
Creative writing takes up a large part of my free time. That is fun. It's incredible. I love to explore the confusing facets of life through the safe filter of a character I made up. I share the stories with some fellow writers. People try to guess which character is secretly me, and they all guess wrong, because the real answer is that they're all me. Characters have to follow a narrative, which means they have to be cohesive from scene to scene. Human beings have no such restriction. We can be hypocritical and contradictory multiple times a day for any reason at all. Skipped lunch? hmm, now you're an asshole. Had a really good shower? No one has ever been as sexy as you. Slept poorly? You're convinced everyone hates you. Spent a couple hours outdoors in good weather? You are at peace and capable of anything you set your mind to.
People are weird as fuck. It is an ongoing struggle to write one singular character that seems genuine to the human experience. They just seem unrealistic when pinned down on paper. Terry Pratchett does the best job at this out of all authors I know. Studying his work helps me get a feel for how to introduce asshole traits while keeping characters sympathetic.
