hammerandsaw | The ellegories are not subtle

My last actual words entry was pretty heavy. Things have improved a lot since then. I had my surgery, and have mostly recovered from it. I bought my new car, so I don't feel trapped anymore. Most importantly, my kid seems to have finally accepted the idea that we are not gonna ditch him. He has been casually making comments and jokes about what his life is going to look like ten years from now. Twenty. Fifty. We are still there in his mind. He talks about bringing his kids to visit and the ways we will spoil them. He talks about how he will bring all his college friends to our house for Thanksgiving. He talks about how when he is fifty and we are 70, he will still make us carry him around when he is tired. The first time he did it, I had to work hard to stay cool and not just burst out crying.

Along with this belief that we will still be around, he has developed a genuine interest in treating us fairly. He cleans his own messes. He monitors his own medicine. He hangs out with us by choice. This is the part everyone told us would come, if we kept our patience and stuck to the behavior plan. They were right. I am glad we did. I am glad we made the sacrifices we made to prioritize his mental and social development. He seems to have gotten over some of his internalized shame, and he believes he is capable of being a good person. That gives him the motivation to act like a good person.

This is probably going to be one of these lessons he learns every few years for the rest of his life. We all have them.